Love letter # 190

… and now that I don’t think of you, you see fit to invade my dreams. You are the ghost in my sleep, tiny spectral fragments dislodged … like some final, unexpected echo … and I wake up shaken; staring into a dark that now contains you.

I am not investing you with mystical powers – nor suggesting that I am in your thrall. Your power over me is long gone – high summer turned pale. All I am saying is that you are somehow still inside me – perhaps you always will be. I may well be a rock these days but I was carved by your passing.

… yet were it not for these dreams, I would not be writing this, for I am as much in your past as you are in mine. We both know that even the ashes have been scattered – all traces of fire kicked over. And we’re cool with that … aren’t we?

Don’t worry, this isn’t me reconsidering – it’s just my way of saying that I loved you once with everything … and even now there’s something. Me wanting the most for you. Me praying that wherever you are and whoever you’re with that you wake up smiling, your eyes sparkling like they used to blind me.

… and if sometimes you miss me, maybe I will see you in my dreams.

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