Love letter # 288

It is all too obvious – things can’t be undone. I can wish as hard I like – and so can you – but wishing is the salted wound.

Can I see it now? Yes. But hindsight is a teacher – not a lover – and you were the right person at the wrong time. I have since learnt that the love you so fulsomely gave was an incredibly rare thing. If only I had known how to accept it.

You were the only one who gave their love freely. Ultimately, everyone else was loving for a fee. But they couldn’t see I was broke. You could. And so I pushed you away. I couldn’t let you see that. I loved you too much.

You didn’t imagine it – I loved you hopelessly. It made me sick somedays.

But none of this is why I’m writing. I only wanted to say that you taught me the difference between love and pretending – and now I won’t accept anything less.

Love letter # 197

I know I hurt you. Even if I didn’t mean to. Things happened and … well, you know what happened next.

I’m sorry for the mess I made, for my carelessness. And my cruel tongue. For taking some of it out on you. You ended up paying for things that weren’t yours. But it cost me too; if that’s any consolation. Which I know it isn’t.

I just want you to know that you didn’t make it up. I did love you. And really, I still do. I just wasn’t brave enough for it.

Love letter # 64

Remember how it was before the war got going? Why can’t we get back to that? Things were better that way. Not like this.

I swear I don’t even know how we got here. By default? Design? Too little time? Oops.

A dimming of the gloss I can accept – but please not bitterness. Whatever stupid things I’ve done – there was never any malice. Selfishness? Stupidity? You bet. But I only ever loved you. Perhaps I just sucked at it. Sorry.

I don’t wish to fight; not you anyway. If you find this intolerable – just leave. I’ll survive. So will you. But things would be better together – and you know it. So let’s stop this contest, these acid bickers. Just look at what we’re trashing.

I should just love you. I should stop hoping you’ll conform to my whims. And punishing you when you don’t. These are ridiculous things I do. Silly territorial things. And the scraps of righteousness we fight over – are they worth it?

You still send a wave of light through me – let’s love it while it shines.

Love letter # 188

Your fear comes pouring off you. It’s frightening. And such a waste of time.

I was in your shoes once. It was awful. I took someone’s love and turned it into the burden of proof. No wonder my fears came true. Don’t do this to yourself.

These things do not bear cross examination. Love is what you allow – not what you force. Let go; and it will always be here for you.

There is a simple rule at work here – push someone and they will surely fall over. Me – I would much rather stand beside you. Much better plan.

Don’t let your fear eat you up, feed on what’s before you. It will sustain you if you let it.