Love letter # 299

Why do I still think of you? How come, after all this time, you still break into my thoughts – even my dreams?

I have just spent an hour imagining a scene with you and me – a scene in which your voice was drenched in honey tenderness. Thinking of it, a bloom of warmth spread out from my chest. Hairs stood on end. Little antennas – still attuned to you.

Were you, by any chance, thinking of me? Do you ever?

I know it doesn’t matter. It’s over now. I accept that. But I’d like you to know that whatever you’re thinking, I’m thinking this: that life was more beautiful beside you. That part of my heart still beats out the song of your name. Not in hope – but in thanks.

Perhaps I think of you to remind myself of stars. Of possibility. All I really know now is that I’m awash with sweetness writing this. Even if there is a kind of sorrow lurking behind these words – it is the sadness that stems from the presence of beauty. It is cleansing. Uplifting.

You will think I’m mad and obsessive – that’s fine. These things may well be true. But what I am not is hardened and bitter. However dark it sometimes seems, I still have your torch to help me light the way.

Whatever happens – I promise not to shine it in your eyes.

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