Tag Archives: Euphoria

Love letter # 62

Someone asked me what it was like and all I could think to say was: we slept in the sky.

I know that every lover thinks that but that doesn’t make it shine any less. Our adventures were ordinary but they were wonderful. We drank; we sang along, we made love outside. We stalked the wee hours – they were ours. We saw the dawn together and ignored the rest of the world.

Every couple has their golden age. Ours was just another. And now …

I know, you’re expecting me say ‘tired’, ‘bored’, ‘going through the motions’. Hell no. Now we can have something much richer than romance. We can have wine. We can have the rest of time.

Let’s not surrender – except to each other. Be next to me, my beautiful love and I will be next to you.

And then even when it’s cloudy, we can still wake in stars.

Love letter # 77

Bercasue of you – all of this.

I know – ridiculous. I shudder when I hear myself think it but here I am saying it out loud. All for you.

Previous reasons – they were vanity. Ego seeking itself.

Now that I love you the whole world is transformed – and beauty is the temple of you. Here I am, knowing more than myself at last, afraid and exhilarated, washed clean and re-dressed.

Yesterday I walked in the desert, thirsty and not even knowing it. Today I am here with you. This time the mirage kept its promise – and I am almost drunk for drinking.

I used beg for love – now I give it freely.

Everything – all my art, all my striving, every beautiful thing I try to make – they are all born of my love.

The old me would have laughed – but he’s not me anymore. Yes, I understand his objections – but yes, yes, yes my love … I do.

Love letter # 15

It started with a fire. A fire in my heart. And all my smart tricks turned to ash. I thought I was the king of everything – and then there was you – beautiful, beautiful, beautiful angel.

And now I am breathless. Now I am a feather on the breeze. Now I am the dancer – and you the song, you the sound of wonder. Even on my knees I am flying.

Tonight I walked in luminous golden vespers, in velvet evening. With my music. With my dreams of you, my love. And when it rained, I danced between the droplets – as though to hold you in my arms.

In the soft kiss of evening I felt you beside me; I could almost smell you. Your feminine power made my poor boy blood thicken. If there is a god – she is a goddess.

All that male arrogance – my so called vision of things – my pristine ordered cosmos – its stones are strewn about.

I walk now in a lovely desert of cinders, where detail melts to heat, where horizons blur the boundaries. In this smudged terror, in this new cathedral – oh my beauty, you are the queen. These tears are but jewels. Euphoria is despair.

When I love you I am without sin. When I love you everything is in sync. So what if there’s a cut or five. A little blood on the lino. Damn the cowards. What do they know?

Burn everything.

If there is a wall, it is folly. Reduce the streets to scratches. Make nothing that is not made of love.

And now … I type. Splendour into syllables. Words in semi darkness. I have no idea where you are other than in my heart. I dance my half of our dance because it is still wonderful.

Here in the golden light – here in the golden light … your breath on my neck – your kisses sweet.

But before you click away from this; I know I this seems unhinged. I still have those Western eyes. Two and a half years ago I too would have scoffed.

I know better now.

Love letter # 21

Heaven is made up of ordinary treasures – like your breathing as you sleep next to me – like the scent of you in the darkness.

You are the one.

This must be what miracles are – under this roof with you. I feel the warmth of your skin – your nearness like opium. I can scarcely believe it.

You are the one.

I came here to shiver – to surrender – to wake up in your presence. I am the lucky one.

And you are the one.

Love letter # 101

How could I have known that my ten o’clock would turn out to be you.

I had no defences deployed – no armour against eyes. Nothing could have prepared me for your gorgeous mouth, the curve of your shoulders, the hint of freshly showered skin. Now I’m butterflies.

Or perhaps I’m just an overly optimistic angler, misinterpreting tugs as bites. Maybe you’re like this with everyone.

I’ve been around long enough to have no idea.

I look at the scar lines etched all over me and I wonder if I can bear another. I wonder if no is worth the chance of yes. Or vice versa.

I have your number. I could call you this minute. I’m sure I could invent a pretext.

Ah, but the sensible adult thing would be to do nothing; to mark it down to the enervating effects of spring sunshine and good coffee. Safer that way. I walk off with a little caffeinated buzz on – maybe catch you in the course of things and see if those opal eyes are still flashing lovely fire at me.

Either way, beauty is transforming and you have changed my day – probably my week. In all likelihood these syllables will vanish into meek but totally mature silence and neither of us will ever have to be embarrassed.

But just in case …

Love letter # 7

… and in a blinding, beautiful flash – you.

You have changed me. Perhaps you did not mean to – but you have. Not that I was bad before – just a fool who knew nothing. Now at least I am a fool who knows you.

Everything is clear now – if a little raw. The light is sharp sometimes. The heights are airless. And flying always contains the lure of falling. But those who will not fly are grounded. They have the dirt and nothing more.

Even if I am left with only the memory of you it will be a good deal more than old rock. For sure, it will be diamonds.