Love letter # 475
Overwhelmed, almost crushed, by the sheer breathtaking beauty of things. The salty air. Damp earth. The warmth of your arms around me.
Again I am halted, paused in thankful reflection – grateful to whatever gods, angels or blind mechanical confluences brought me to this viewpoint. From here, through the tiny portal of my consciousness, I am able to glimpse something of the eternal. Not simply to behold it as dry fact but to experience it as beautiful.
Because it is the simple and extraordinary fact of your beauty that alerts me to your existence and, in that, confirms the miracle of mine. Science tells me I am a slave of process – but your glory sets me free.
For with your voice I sing – and in your form I dance in time. Yours is the tongue of the answered prayer – yours the hands that write out the verse. And when everything is shining and wonderful, it is with your eyes I see.
You have transformed the world and I shall ever love you for it.
Love letter # 335
It was through your beauty that I fell upon these things. On pleasant rambles unearthed. Dug from dark marrow and plucked into light. Always there – yet now known to language.
These twin axes – the poles around which my life has danced – I have no more words to deny them. Eternity and mortality.
All my great loves, my lofty vaults of thought, the very beholding of infinity I have credited myself with – all this wrapped in fragile, failing flesh. In poor eyes and creaking hips. In freezing bones and coughing fits. The song of forever in a moment of breath. A scratched up atom of the everlast.
For this is what I know when I am with you. When your beauty is too much for ordinary ideas.
The mortal eternal: this is I. All of forever and nothing at all.
It is to these mirrored gods I surrender – because as I yield to the mortal, so too I bow to the eternal. As I accept nothing, I shall have everything once more. It shall reside in my breath – and ring the bells when I see you. I shall be cleansed in the light that you bring – ready to be dirty again.
To such beauty I surrender. As I have to you, my love. As I have to you.
Love letter # 401
This is your time of year; the soft and quiet settling of winter. In your boots and scarves. Your alabaster skin in the pale and watery light. Dark eyes shining out of the mist. Warm breath foggy as you stand beside me. The promise of a hearth inside you. The welcoming crackle of your smile.
For when the early night falls and bare trees make bony lines in crisp moonshine, I am at one with you – wrapped in cosy arms. In the hibernating world, spring is being prepared – locked yet in damp ground – but there for all to know, should they wish to. And we do.
In this seasonal chill I celebrate the rich and earthy beauty of you. Where all else seems grey and uninspired, you come alive. Fleur d’hiver. Brighter than sky. Lighter still than the smoky, drifting mizzle of evening. Making everything gorgeous.
Love letter # 253
You who are my angel, you are my destroyer too – and I shall be neither the first nor the last to drown in the act of loving.
This is the vessel of my sorrow, the broken raft of my undelivered fury. Like nails in me. Pretty, pretty punctures leftover from your kiss.
How the stars have turned to darkness – and the darkness now to light. Burning out my eyes. Too bright to be denied.
The wave may be too strong this time; more than passing through. The ties that hold the walls in place are snapped and frayed and loose. Useless now. For things are coming to their pitch – the voices all at once. My usual tricks have had their play. See through, stupid games.
The pills, the lies, the stoic pose. No dam against this flood. The levee bank is leaking blood. How much shall drain away?
It is a dangerous path this one. My feet are landing blind. Salvation wears a frightful mask – a face so damned and strained – and I cannot tell which is which. So shall I have the grace to fall, to land where I shall land? To risk the breaking I have feared or the silence I have craved?
Love letter # 236
Now that I have seen your beauty – witnessed the deep and vulnerable things about you – how can I but shiver? How can I not know? You have shown me the spark in you – maybe seen the flame still burning in me – now we are the brightest star in the sky. Together, we have exploded. A universe from nothing. Or at least, that’s how I remember it.
Love letter # 275
It seems we all get stuck on semantics. Boyfriend/girlfriend, partner/lover or ‘just’ friends. Yet when I think about what it is that I want to share with you, it’s definitely not a label. In a way, the so-called relationship I wish I had with you revolves around some very simple understandings.
I would have it that we commit to seeing one another regularly, to being emotionally and physically intimate and to being faithful. In turn, I pledge to be honest and available – to love you first of all and to let the whole world know this. Be my number one if you wish – and in return I will gladly be yours.
You can call it what you will – but I shall name it love and give it to you in absolute abundance.