Tag Archives: Passionate love letters

Love letter # 283

To this day I remain astonished at your choosing of me. Grateful for the shine in your smile. Amazed by your continued nearness. Whenever I stop to behold it, I am afloat on the sea of your beauty. Lifted up by the advent of your light. I swoon to your song and, in such musical company, I move to the rhythm of the vastness – and in that lovely cadence it feels as though I blend with you and will never, ever be alone. There is nothing I could give back to you that would even come close to emulating this extraordinary gift; the one you unveil with every feather of your touch.

Love letter # 335

It was through your beauty that I fell upon these things. On pleasant rambles unearthed. Dug from dark marrow and plucked into light. Always there – yet now known to language.

These twin axes – the poles around which my life has danced – I have no more words to deny them. Eternity and mortality.

All my great loves, my lofty vaults of thought, the very beholding of infinity I have credited myself with – all this wrapped in fragile, failing flesh. In poor eyes and creaking hips. In freezing bones and coughing fits. The song of forever in a moment of breath. A scratched up atom of the everlast.

For this is what I know when I am with you. When your beauty is too much for ordinary ideas.

The mortal eternal: this is I. All of forever and nothing at all.

It is to these mirrored gods I surrender – because as I yield to the mortal, so too I bow to the eternal. As I accept nothing, I shall have everything once more. It shall reside in my breath – and ring the bells when I see you. I shall be cleansed in the light that you bring – ready to be dirty again.

To such beauty I surrender. As I have to you, my love. As I have to you.

Love letter # 595

I woke up with my heart in pieces this morning – for in my dream I was by your side and you were like the angel I had always imagined. The girl who melted everything.

Yet you and I both know that in this more solid world such hazy visions do not withstand the force of human frailty. It is the irrefutable difference between these two poles – the hoped for and the actual – that broke me open. In the realm of sleep we loved each other; as though there were no lines between us. In the daylight we do not even speak.

Last night you said that you still loved me. In that sweet cloud I believed you. But of course, you never did. You simply tolerated me. Put up with a fool and his unwanted desires. Told whatever lies you felt were appropriate. For my part, I looked past all the evidence, blinded by hunger. By a weakness stronger than self-respect.

If you were the one who abused, I was the one who allowed it. Mine was the longing. The void. The loneliness. Yours was the air that rushed to fill the vacuum I created. You could have been more honest – much more so – but you were as beholden to your fears as I was to mine. Though I am not responsible for your appalling behaviour, I am 100% culpable in mine. I wanted that beautiful dream so much – that fantasy version of you – that in a way my folly engineered your Machiavellian response. Perhaps this is why my heart is breaking right now.

Or maybe because it took a dream for me to allow you the room to love me truly in return.

Love letter # 373

This is for all of us – the great unremembered. The ones who shall end in dust.

In this universe of time we are but sub-atomic flickers. In the crush of history, we are the buried empires – the nameless bones – the unrecorded particulars. Less than forgotten. Barely distinguishable from the great nothing.

And when we have all vanished, the world will turn without us – its epic circles bigger than anything we could ever fashion. And it will turn as though we never were.

For we are but the small and lonely watchers. Lonely but for you.

In the shimmering sea of everything, we the tiny swimmers gasp for life – trapped in the cell of the self – looking out to the void – somehow knowing that we too shall be seen. And by that very act of seeing, created.

Just as it was in the beginning – when The Oneness became The Twoness – when The One made The Other in order to make itself.

Because down here in the dirt – in the almost infinitely minute world of you and me – the same great symmetries apply. I am nought without you.

Though it may well be true that eternity moves as it will – unruffled by the arrogant bluster of my striving, deaf to all my self-seeking noise, thankless in the face of all my apparent wisdom – the quiet and graceful mathematics of the universe will be rendered nigh divine by my overwhelming love for you.

Because of you there is music. And boundless beauty. All the nuanced strains of joy and despair. Every exquisite detail imaginable. You, my grain of sand, I shall adore – for in your fragile hands absolutely everything shall be held.

Though I may gaze into a cold infinity of stars it is when I wake in the night – you by my side – that I sense the splendour of things. That I truly am.

When even all of this is ash and silence and we are not even scratches on the skin of time, at least I will have loved you – and by my love I will have apprehended the fathomless beauty. That single, sustained, everlasting note of music which – when heard – becomes the song of being. To which I will have danced with you.

For if ever I am – so too are you.

Love letter # 311

Today I was trying to remember. What was life like before you? Who was I? I understand that this sounds melodramatic but when I think of all the changes that swept in with the storm front of your arrival, I realise that there is no overstatement in those questions. (Pardon the pun).

Loving you unbound me. Deconstructed me. Asked everything of me. The old me was put to the sword – not by you but by my reaction to you. Once uncorked, that flood of emotion and realisation had its own inevitable momentum. It carried me here.

So yes, you are right. I am not the one you fell in love with – or even the one who fell for you. I am the one you see before you now – the one remade by the closeness and the elusiveness of your incredible beauty.

I wonder now if you would say the same.

Love letter # 395

In the face of everything I do not and cannot know, I know what it is I want – and though I understand that there are no guarantees, I would still prefer it. It is a simple thing; perhaps naïve and primitive, yet still it feels profound.

So I wonder … will you reach out across the mystery of the great in-between and risk the possibility of heartbreak to walk awhile beside me? Will you sing this song with me? Can we dance in time? Is there a way that you can set aside your fears – as I will let go of mine? Are you ready to abandon the arrogance of knowing for the adventure of finding?

All this I would gladly. If only to hold you.

For there is nothing of which I am certain – no kingdom I would rather, no riches I would gather in your stead. My status, the opinions of others and the hubris of higher purpose – these I shall set as nought. Because in the almost impossible vastness of everything there is nothing I would rather than to love you. Even if for the flicker of a flame.

It may burn to ground in the end, yet by the warmth of that inferno we shall have shone – and with the memory of such a fire we can forever rest in peace. Like distant stars. Lonesome lights beaming out across the blackness.

The only question is: will you?

Love letter # 258

I sometimes think you must have fallen from the sky. I, at any rate, did not see you coming. There was a blink – and there you were. Standing next to me. So beautiful and radiant that I was taken aback. Almost concussed. Not knowing what else to do but go along. In a way, I dumbly followed you to this place of joy; and you, in turn, led without seeming to lead. So that now we are both here. Together. The whys and the wherefores merely academic. The destination trumping the journey.