Love letter # 52

So this is where I find myself – hoping you won’t be there.

It’s not that I don’t want to see you, it’s just that I can’t bear it. I can’t sit politely, pretending you’re just anybody. My heart will not make do with scraps.

And you’re so awkward these days, trying so hard not to let it show. Wearing your veil of uncaring because someone said it was better that way. Hiding your beauty away, lest I be tempted.

I find this impossible to watch. It is an insult.

Better I say goodbye. Better to have clean nothing than dirty remnants. Better not to be friends.

I apologise for my intemperance. It has led me to this ultimatum. It has made me choose – and I have chosen the truth. You will not love me again, and I will not wake to your beautiful drowsy smile.

Now I am all at sea. Gasping. Flailing, A fool thrown overboard. Yet surely the threat of drowning is more than enough reason to swim.

So here I am – staying afloat, hoping for islands – sending you love and letting you go. x