Love letter # 52

So this is where I find myself – hoping you won’t be there. It’s not that I don’t want to see you it’s just that I can’t bear it. I can’t sit politely, pretending you’re just anybody. My heart will not make do with scraps.

And you’re so awkward these days, trying so hard not to let it show – wearing your veil of uncaring because someone said it was better that way. Hiding your beauty away, lest I be tempted.

I find this impossible to watch. It is an insult.

Better that I say goodbye. Better to have clean nothing than dirty remnants. Better not to be friends.

I can only apologise for my intemperance. It has led me to this ultimatum. It has made me choose – and I have chosen the truth. You will not love me again and I will not wake to your beautiful drowsy smile.

And now I am all at sea – gasping and flailing, a fool thrown overboard. Yet surely the threat of drowning is more than enough reason to swim.

So here I am – staying afloat, hoping for islands – sending you love and letting you go. x

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