Love letter # 128

Please excuse my anger. It is the mask my dread likes to wear. It is the naked fear of losing you. It is an incredible vulnerability in me that you have exposed.

Believe me, I have tried not to act out. I have tied down outbursts. I have hidden tears.

And when I was busting to adore you shamelessly – that too I kept quiet.

I used to wonder why some people were the way they were; but now I know. How many times have I gone looking for signs? How many nights have I tested you? I would be ashamed; except I know all this seeking comes from deep need.

Sometimes, I swear, I am a vessel of desire, a mere carrier of torches – all burning for you. If once I seemed strong it was because I did not care. Then I took the risk of loving you. Then your beautiful kiss undid me.

Last year, I wore armour. This year, I wear my wounds with pride. They are the mark of a man.

He who does not bleed is bloodless.

Though there are times when I swear I will die, when my hunger kills my good sense; there are other hours, like this, when I know I am saved.

You let me love you – you drew me on – and now I am alive. At last.