Love letter # 128

Please excuse my anger – it’s the mask my dread likes to wear – it’s the naked fear of losing you – it’s this incredible vulnerability in me you have exposed.

Believe me I have tried not to act out. I have tied down outbursts. I have hidden tears. And when I was busting to adore you shamelessly – that too I kept quiet.

I used to wonder why some people were the way they were – now I know. How many times have I gone looking for signs? How many nights have I tested you? I would be ashamed; except I know all this seeking comes from deep need.

Sometimes, I swear, I am a vessel of desire, a mere carrier of torches – all burning for you. If once I seemed strong it was because I did not care. Then I took the risk of loving you. Then your beautiful kiss undid me.

Last year, I wore armour. This year, I wear my wounds with pride. They are the mark of a man. He who does not bleed is bloodless.

Though there are times when I swear I’ll die, when my hunger kills my good sense; there are other hours, like this one, when I know I am saved. You let me love you – you drew me on – and now I am alive. At last.

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