Love letter # 117

I had forgotten how beautiful you were. Seeing you again, I remembered – and I was speechless. You said my name but I could not say yours. That would have been dangerous. Then you would have known.

At least this way I can say it without saying it. There is no awkward dry mouth here. There is no not being able to breathe. Here it’s okay.

If only I could write this, even send it – and yet somehow still hide. If only you could know without knowing. But the only way for me to be around you is for you not to notice.

And so, I will not stand out in the crowd. I will not perform tricks to get your attention. Neither will I seem cool or mysterious. You will remember my name and I will nod and smile – and I will try not to let it show in my eyes. And you won’t have to be embarrassed … and neither will I.

It’s easier this way. You are far too beautiful for me and I know in my heart that I don’t have the guns to fight for you. And this way, that very heart won’t need to break.

So yes, I’m scared. Afraid of how easy it would be for me to love you. For if you so much as clicked your fingers … I know where I’d be.

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