Love letter # 147

Everything you heard is true. I did say those things. I was hoping to convince myself. I failed.

In my pain I tried to hate you, to spill my guts like a shield. Easier to rage than to cry; to clothe my nakedness in lies. When the love I had could no longer be shared I spat it out, as if it, as if you were the poison. But then, when the wounded animal had cried its awful cries, it lay down in the quiet and loved you even more.

Just as my love once felt like flight itself, tonight it comes like peace. The words have run dry but my heart still spells out your beautiful name. What magic cadence. And now … I cry to be free.

So I send you these words instead; for these are not my pain speaking, nor my vain hope pity seeking. These are the words of the song that still fills my blood with joy. This is what you left me with. Thank you, bella.

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