Love letter # 280
How did I not notice the signs? The signs that I wanted so desperately to see. How was it that I pushed you so hard for exactly what it was you were already giving me? Because I did not believe.
It was not that you lied (which you did often), it was that my need was so unreasonable. The dark cavern inside me was like an echo chamber of every doubt I ever harboured. The cacophony it made drowned out the softer sounds of your loving – and in the blizzard of my unbelieving I walked right past the warmth that I craved. Our undoing was my doing more than yours. Perhaps you walked off with the blame … but I was left with the pain. And I owned it at last.
Please accept my long overdue apology.