Love letter # 132

Sitting next to you tonight it hit me. You just tolerate it. That thing I took for your liking me was just you putting up with me. I saw it in your eyes.

Please don’t look at me that way – that’s what they said.

I may be a fool but I am not stupid. You allow my touch without responding. You smile when I’m sweet. Maybe you just say yes because you can’t quite find a way to say no.

I feel ashamed. I never wanted this. I wanted you – it’s true – I still do.

I wish I found this out before I loved you. Now, when I walk away, I leave a little part of me behind. Hanging around your loveliness. Still deluded.

I hope you will forgive my outrageous feeling – my ill-advised flights of fancy. I only wanted to love you. Instead, I’ve embarrassed you. Made everything ridiculous.

We wear the same masks as everyone else – we keep our burning quiet – but still those fires light up the night. Every rule in the book will not stop me aching for you. I am dissolved in your nearness, my pretence unwound by the brush of your fingers. I feel like light when I’m around you.

Or rather, I did.

Now I have seen, and the evidence is undeniable, the only decent thing to do is disappear. No drama. No scenes. Just these words. My confession.

You were right. I liked you too much.