Love letter # 214
Only by my hunger could I hope to measure you. Only by desire. And by not seeing exactly what I desired, I became blind to the love I already had. It was as though you could never love me enough. So in the end you stopped. For if my love will not do …
I see that now.
Not that that changes anything. You’re still half way round the world and I’m still here. I think about you nearly every day. I love you without fear now. It is a beautiful thing. A beam of light in my life. A jewel in my memory. The things I overlooked back then – they shine like wonder now.
You were a beautiful presence in my life – more beautiful than I knew. But you were not bigger than fear; and neither was I. For even our terror could not keep us together.
Had I not been so afraid I would have seen your little gestures, your shy kindnesses, and I would have been in flight. Would have taken you to the sky with me. Just for the glory of your smile.