Love letter # 230

I realise now the extent to which you lied to me; the manner in which you ruthlessly manipulated my affection for you. Of late, I have been very angry about this – furiously imagining encounters in which I get to hold you accountable. Yet I know too that I allowed it all to happen. If you were cynical, I was foolish. In this way at least we were a good match.

However, I have not sent this you in order to confront or insult you. I am old enough to know that cruelty is most often the result of earlier cruelty. Your lack of respect for me simply reflected the disrespect that you have been shown. Even more so, the lack of respect you have for yourself. I was simply a dog that you kicked. A dog that said kick me.

I am writing instead to acknowledge the folly of my optimism and to remind you that in the end the truth always emerges – and that games and lies have a way of destroying those who author them.

Of course, my saying this will not do me any favours – perhaps it will simply heighten your belief that I am weak and overly emotional – but I pray that you will remember it and that, one day, when thoughts of me are a million miles away, it shall give you pause. Not simply to spare some other love blind sap but to lift the veil of bitterness from what I still believe is your lovely heart.

We all have bruises – but there is nought to gain from inflicting them upon others. For our pain is not reduced one iota by the pain of others.

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