Love letter # 429
Though my intellect is telling me to detach – to move on, to understand this as just another in a long line of delusions – something in my heart will not let it go. I get that this is all a result of base desires and fundamental character flaws and that the romance of finding another soon devolves into a mundane negotiation over this, that and the other – but still I am not prepared to give this up without some kind of fight.
I apologise for pretending not to care that much – for looking like it was neither here nor there to me. Actually, it means almost everything right now. And so do you. The truth is I love you; ridiculous though that might seem.
I have practised in my head the way I would say this to you but I will confess that I find it easier to write it down. Truth be told, I feel that if I saw you now I would simply melt; or at least my façade would.
God knows I’ve tried to be cool about this – but really … I am ablaze.