Love letter # 460

I think of you and I wonder if you think of me. Actually, I’m fairly sure you don’t because, despite the obviously deep connection we share when we’re alone, you have made it plain that this will not spur you into action. Again, I have cause to wonder. Why? What stops you? Is it simply something about me or do you sit behind a line of deeply ingrained fear and doubt?

Then again – maybe you’re just faking it. Maybe that’s why you blank me in public. Eyes like walls. Not even a flicker. All that lovely nearness banished. As though I had imagined it.

Could well be that I’m a fool for falling for your ‘soulmate’ routine. For answering your calls. For opening up a door to my heart.

That’s it, isn’t it? I shouldn’t be pondering your motivations, I should be questioning mine. I could start by asking myself if I am prepared to spend any more time and energy on this. I could wonder instead if this was worth another syllable.

Yet even if it does stop here – right here in the next minute – the love won’t. Because I don’t fake things like that. So the only difference will be that I too will not be spurred into action. So now we can both be blank. Cleaner that way.

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