Love letter # 516

It’s true, I look at couples and see us. And there is a fracture in my heart. Hairline, but there. Like you once were. Before I chose.

Of course I wonder; did I chase one thing and end up with another. Is this the mirage of my longing? I wanted this – whatever this is – and as I enjoy the fruit, so too I pay the price. This. Watching them, missing us.

If I am sorry it is for you, not me. I did love you. Very much. Yet still. The space between then and now, filled as it is with unknowing. Beautiful ocean, so overwhelming, like the grace of your forgiving.

It is one thing to regret – useless – another to give honest account. This is not the malady of foolish action; rather, an acknowledgement. Few of us know at the time. We are only granted sight after the fact. Therefore, if in my blindness it was you who fell and I who walked, let me kneel down now, not wretched but knowing at last.

And in that, finally, truly, honouring you.

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